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You’ve made the commitment to attend more networking events, but you hate this part: the introduction. So when you enter the room, you look for familiar faces to avoid the task of talking to strangers.

Connecting first with people you know makes sense: not only does it help you shift gears from your last phone call about a project, but it also can reveal more opportunities for work. And if a colleague is talking to someone already, you can let your pal make the introduction. It’s always interesting to hear how a friend introduces you.

But you still need to make new connections on your own, collect business cards and build your network. Introducing yourself is a naturally awkward encounter, fraught with tension and wariness. Both parties are really interested in only one thing: getting new work. Do I have any interest in talking to this person? Is there potential for a business relationship? Will she try to sell me before I try to sell her? The reality is that you have a very small window of time in which to establish a relationship, capture interest, communicate value and ultimately begin to build trust.

Here are some tips:

• Don’t start by selling. You are really looking for a human connection, not a sale. Describe what you do in the shortest and simplest way possible, and mention some typical clients or current projects. This usually lays the foundation for common ground. Portland isn’t a large city, so when you mention other firms or key projects, questions naturally arise.

Follow your own curiosity and the natural flow of the conversation, rather than some script or agenda. Talking about your projects or clients also allows you to bring up project challenges and successes.

If there’s a unique fact about your firm (most number of LEED accredited staff, No. 1 Best Place to Work, leading number of projects in a specific sector, oldest, first, biggest, etc.), go ahead and slip it in there. Just avoid sounding like a commercial. People have developed very fine-tuned antennae to protect themselves from being sold.

• Ask and listen. When meeting someone, seek to understand his or her business first. It takes the pressure off of you, and it can reveal whether a business relationship could develop.

Ask how business is these days. What are the biggest challenges? Has the economy influenced how business is conducted? Have there been any silver linings? Identify where the company may be hurting, so you can find out how to help.

• Give more than you get. If you want to build trust, don’t try to force the sale immediately. Ask outright how you can help. But don’t do so to get something. Be sincere. You can often actually see a person’s shield being lowered.

Help is always welcome, but be sure to follow up. If you say you’ll connect the person with a contractor, do it. It says a lot about your company when you are good to your word.

• Use weekend talk. Dave Yewman, a colleague who coaches executives on presentation skills, suggests that we can fall into using “weekday” (formal, corporate and impersonal) business language. But “weekend” (casual) language can truly engage people.

We are seeking connection in a short window of time. Look for a common interest or a topic such as the NBA Finals, the Louisiana oil slick or a recent concert. Deviating from talk about business will quickly shift the dynamics of the conversation.

• Find the natural openings. If you’re patient, the questions will come around to you. “How’s business?” is a typical icebreaker. I respond to that question by explaining how my work has shifted and what clients value and pay for now. I’ve begun to talk about what I might be able to do for them, but not in an overt way.
• Follow the other’s lead. No matter how well the conversation is going, let the person take the next step. Provide some contacts, market research or assistance for business development, and do so without any strings attached.

Follow up and move slowly. It’s not unlike dating. If you’ve made a good first impression, don’t blow it by being too aggressive. Good relationships take time to cultivate and develop, but you have to start somewhere.

Leo MacLeod is a strategic marketing and new business consultant. Contact him at [email protected].