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The right side of your brain, neurologists say, is where the capacity for empathy resides. And, empathy, it appears, is the key to building long-lasting, powerful and solid relationships.

Empathy is described as the ability to recognize and understand another’s situation, feelings, concerns and motives. It’s often described colloquially as: “putting oneself in another person’s shoes” or “seeing things through someone else’s eyes.” It is NOT walking on eggshells, being 鈥渟oft鈥� or simply placating someone.

Empathy creates bonds of trust; it gives us insights into what others may be feeling or thinking; it helps us understand how or why others are reacting to situations; it sharpens our judgment and informs our decisions.

Think of empathy as a type of research. It’s paying attention at a deeper level. It’s using skills of perception to be able to read between the lines for cues of an individual’s unspoken priorities, fears, hopes and biases. Oftentimes, the full story lies underneath what’s being said. Knowing this can transform decision-making because the picture of an issue or a dynamic will be more complete.

The power of empathy in business

Among all the skills needed to be an adept business professional, 鈥渆mpathy鈥� may not be on the top 10 list for some people. Yet we readily agree that relationships are the cornerstone of our business. This is true internally with employees and colleagues, and externally with clients, project teams, etc.

Relationships drive our business. Business dynamics are changing. The way we communicate is changing.

With the increase in competition and the speed at which we live and work, empathy’s role in building connections is more critical than ever. In marketing, what is going to truly differentiate someone from the pack? How well do you know your client’s (or your potential client’s) world? What keeps them up at night?

You have to make their business your business 鈥� on an individual and organizational level. The deeper you understand your clients’ challenges, obstacles, fears and desires, the better you can serve them.

With leaner staffing resources, companies have increased existing employees’ workloads. How well do you understand what your employees are experiencing 鈥� professionally and personally? Digging beyond the surface can open up conversations that deliver volumes; it also can help prevent burnout and retain talented employees.

Empathetic leadership (regardless of one’s role in a company) can bring new solutions to old problems, generate new thinking, get to the root cause of issues and help build a robust culture. Getting to know people at this level, and holding this information with care, has the capacity to create lasting, authentic bonds.

What’s your empathetic skill level?

How do you show up on the empathetic scale? Generally, while often armed with good intentions, we gloss over conversations. We listen only at the surface, or make assumptions about what we hear without going deeper. Why?

True empathy requires courage, skill and time. It takes courage because we may unearth something uncomfortable and because people often are mirrors of our own thoughts and feelings. It takes a new skill to ask questions in earnest, with the intent of truly understanding someone.

Stephen Covey captures it beautifully, 鈥淪eek first to understand, then to be understood.鈥� Bringing a genuine curiosity and an aptitude for learning contributes to the exchange as well. You might just find that you discover something new when you practice being empathetic.

It also takes time and patience to be present in a conversation.

Who has time and energy for empathy?

As I observe the fast-paced world of many companies and business executives, it appears there’s barely enough time and energy to execute the day-to-day operations. You might be thinking, 鈥淚’m already at capacity; I don’t have time or energy to be empathetic!鈥�

This is blinders-on, short-term thinking. Building an empathetic culture brings transparency to an organization. People report having a bit of burden removed when they feel understood, opening up all kinds of possibilities in innovation, achievements and performance.

Take the K Communications Challenge:

Are you ready to embrace being more empathetic? Practice these behaviors with the important people in your life 鈥� at home, the office, the jobsite, or in your client’s world.

1. Listen with your ears, eyes and heart. Pay attention to others’ body language (it may conflict with what they are saying, giving you an opening to inquire further). Listen to their tone of voice, to the hidden emotions behind what they are saying to you, and to the context. You should be using your ears at least twice as much as your mouth!

2. Don’t interrupt. Don’t dismiss their concerns offhand. Don’t rush to give advice. Don’t change the subject. Allow them to pace the conversation. In that moment, you are there for them. Put aside your own agenda.

3. Be fully present. Avoid the temptation to check your email, look at your watch or take phone calls when a direct report drops into your office to talk to you.

4. Smile. A warm, genuine smile creates an atmosphere of support.

5. Encourage people when they speak up in meetings. When you boost people’s confidence you invite real conversations that result in better solutions.

6. Give genuine and specific recognition and praise. Acknowledgment is a sign of respect. Pay attention to what people are doing and catch them doing the right things.

7. Take a personal interest in people. Show people that you care, and demonstrate genuine curiosity about their lives. Seek to know them at a deeper level 鈥� passions, challenges, aspirations, etc.

Empathy is an emotional and thinking muscle that becomes stronger the more we exercise it. Deepen your approach to building relationships and transform results.

Karen Natzel is a business therapist. Contact her at [email protected] or 503-806-4361.