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Emotions can be messy, confusing, overwhelming, and intimidating. They can be exhilarating, heartening, affirming, and inspiring. They almost always serve as valuable waypoints on our journey of personal and professional growth.

Daniel Goleman, an early pioneer in bringing emotional intelligence to the workplace, speaks to the ability to manage one鈥檚 internal states, impulses, and resources as 鈥渟elf-regulation.鈥� I like to think of it as the domain of personal choice.

But first, what emotions are you having?! We operate so fast and furiously that we often don鈥檛 pause to identify what we are feeling. In the throes of chaos (or under the surface of control), there is likely a plethora of emotions running wild and fueling our beliefs and behaviors!

When we are unaware of our emotions 鈥� and their correlating triggers 鈥� we operate on autopilot. In this space, we rarely challenge our perspectives. Instead, we seek confirmation and validation of our view of things. This inevitably stifles our growth.

Most of us would prefer not to feel the hard stuff like anger, sadness, frustration, hurt, shame, or fear. It鈥檚 uncomfortable. Yet, by leaning into the discomfort of the experience, we build a formidable framework for resilience. When we stuff our tough emotions, we are doing ourselves a disservice as those feelings can bring insight into an important, neglected, or unfulfilled want or need.

Our ability to sit with the discomfort 鈥� not avoid it, obsess over it, wallow in it, or suppress it 鈥� is the epicenter of raising our awareness. That is where we get to choose how we show up, how we think, and what we do.

For example, if you find yourself frustrated, you are likely experiencing unmet expectations. Frustrations are a great clarifier as they illuminate the gap between what is happening and what you want to be happening. You can channel your frustrations into action, such as being clearer and more compelling in expressing your expectations or preferences. In doing so, you become a more effective communicator and relationship builder. You have just reframed the valid emotion of feeling frustrated into an invitation to experiment with a new approach that is within your control.

In my resiliency workshop, emotions play center stage. We explore our default and unhealthy stress coping tendencies, discuss how growth happens outside of our comfort zone, and examine key traits of resilient people. As you might imagine, resilient people tend to be nimble, fluid, adaptable, optimistic, positive, growth-oriented, open to change, and I would propose, happier.

Positive and productive

Resilient people experience more positive and productive emotions, such as empathy, compassion, kindness, courage, curiosity, hope, and optimism. That鈥檚 not to say they don鈥檛 feel negative emotions; they just tend not to ruminate on them or get stuck in unproductive patterns of reactivity. Instead, resilient people master the art of reframing in a way that best positions them to make the most of a situation. They also practice not taking things personally and not making assumptions, thereby extending grace and generosity in their relationships.

Growth-oriented focus

A growth mindset translates to seeing what is happening in your world as opportunities for learning. People with growth mindsets see mistakes and feedback as a natural and necessary part of that education. Setbacks or missteps are simply more data. There is a flexibility in thinking and a spirit of discovery in resilient, growth-oriented people. They take responsibility for their personal performance. As I say in class, 鈥渢hey care more about getting it right than being right.鈥�

Examine your relationship to change

Are you a change agent or are you resistant to new ways of seeing or doing things? How open are you to new experiences or ideas? Are you inspired to innovate?

Recently I was working with a client鈥檚 team to raise the bar of its performance. Team members were already doing solid work, but the director had high expectations and wanted to see how they could continue to excel. The previous year we had developed a set of team norms, culminating into a 鈥淭eam Manifesto.鈥� This year, we reflected on their collective wins through that manifesto. They were able to name several instances when they held true to how they wanted to be together. Looking ahead to the new year, one team member challenged herself with their manifesto pillar of: 鈥淚nnovate: fresh ideas, keep growing, forward thinking鈥� to address a current inefficient process she manages. As soon as she named it, her colleagues started helping her generate new ideas for improvement!

Living resiliently requires embracing change and being comfortable with uncertainty. It requires a willingness to trust yourself and risk trying new things. Most of us want some kind of control over our lives. The wisdom is in doing the work in the areas we have control, and letting go of what we cannot control.

Build your emotional resiliency

Understanding your emotional landscape can guide you into living more intentionally, more value-aligned, and with more agency.

You get to choose. Our experiences are filtered through our imperfect and biased lenses. Our personal events, family history, health, stress, assumptions, hopes, and fears all feed into how we see and interpret life.

When we are courageous about what we honestly feel and why, we are in a better position to respond, rather than knee-jerk react. With emotional wisdom, we can choose our perspectives, our attitudes, and our actions. We get to consciously shape our experience. So, go ahead and interrogate your assumptions, challenge your limiting thinking, and get clear on what and how your emotions are fueling your beliefs. In the act of raising your emotional competency, you will not only build your resiliency but also nurture relationships while delivering your work with greater ease and impact.

What are your emotions telling you? What will you do with that information?

Karen Natzel is a business therapist who helps leaders create healthy, vibrant and high-performing organizations. Contact her at 503-806-4361 or [email protected].

The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed in the preceding commentary are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the Daily Journal of Commerce or its editors. Neither the author nor the 91视频 guarantees the accuracy or completeness of any information published herein.