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When Warren Miller鈥檚 鈥淣o Boundaries鈥� extreme skiing film tour hit the Arlene Schnitzer theater in the mid-2000s, I admit I was bedazzled by the feats, the adrenaline, and the spectacle of it all. The freedom of the wild, uncharted territory stirred up a spirit of adventure and unstoppable, rule-breaking energy.

A world without limits feels empowering, so full of possibilities.

My relationship to boundaries was a concept of limitations. It felt like someone telling me what I could and could not do. It felt restrictive. And, for someone who values freedom, I wanted nothing to do with that notion of boundaries!

It took a few years before I understood the tremendous value boundaries can bring to self-care, healthy relationships, and high-functioning teams. I came to understand boundaries as a mechanism to be more responsible for my experiences, providing me with a way to construct a life on my terms.

Redefining the lines

Boundaries are a way to articulate what you want and need. They tell people what matters to you, what you stand for, and what you will not tolerate. Clear and healthy boundaries reflect healthy self-respect and are an acknowledgment of personal accountability. They serve as guidelines for how you are treated and how you treat others.

Consider for a moment how you want to be perceived in your workplace. Reliable? Helpful? Valuable? A team player? Kind and generous? These are all worthy, admirable traits of any professional. Where we tend to get into trouble is when we over-index. We tip the scales to being hyper-reliable and helpful, regularly bending over backward to accommodate others. We become reactionary rather than responsive. We perceive our value as to being the 鈥済o-to鈥� person that always says, 鈥測es.鈥� We put in an extraordinary amount of effort at the eleventh hour and at the expense of other personal commitments, so that we don鈥檛 let the team down or the project falter.聽 In the mistaken name of kindness and generosity we send mixed messages and unclear feedback while perpetuating coddling.

All of this muddies the water of good working relationships. It adds the burden of confusion to team dynamics and can lead to power struggles, assumptions, and resentment. Trust and respect are on the line when we fail to articulate and keep healthy boundaries.

Strong relationships have a more equal exchange of give and take. We negotiate with each other to accomplish the tasks at hand while getting our fundamental needs met. When people know where we stand 鈥� and where they stand with us 鈥� we create a space for honest dialogue.

Where boundaries often exist

Time, energy, and personal space are common domains for boundary-setting. Your time is finite and how you spend it reflects your values and priorities. If you find your calendar regularly at the whim of others鈥� demands, you likely will not feel in control of your own time.

If you find yourself exhausted from overcommitments or energy-sucking activities and people, you may need to set boundaries to protect your own energy. Boundary-setting is essential when you experience unacceptable behavior from others such as disrespect or hostility. It may come in the form of someone talking over you, taking credit for your work, speaking ill of others, showing up late, not responding to repeated requests, or in taking advantage of you in some way.

You may not have clear boundaries in place, but you likely have experienced the emotions that come with a boundary violation. Emotional states such as anxiety, anger, shame, annoyance, indignation, not feeling appreciated, are cues that something is amiss. These telltale signs can help bring clarity to what we want that we are not getting.

The difficulty of creating and maintaining boundaries

Have you had the experience of someone asking you to go to an event that you don鈥檛 want to go to, and if you have a pre-existing commitment, you cheerfully reply, 鈥淭hanks for the invite, but I have plans.鈥� Yet, if you don鈥檛 actually have plans, you find it uncomfortable just to say, 鈥淣o, thanks?鈥�

When we attempt to put a boundary in place we may feel like we are letting others down. We may feel real or perceived pressure to say yes. It can stir up a twinge of guilt.

It is a social skill to read people. If, however, we spend so much energy considering what we say and how we say it, we might be mistaking our emotional awareness with people-pleasing.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be helpful. The problems emerge when we take on other peoples鈥� issues as our own. We can be responsible to others without being responsible for them.

We also may have a perception that 鈥渂oundary keepers鈥� are rigid, too sensitive, or selfish, thereby making boundary-setting feel unsavory. A reframe is that boundary keepers are committed to long-term sustainable success, creating an environment of focus, respect, clarity, and continued check-ins to reflect the evolving needs of the work environment.

How to be a better boundary keeper

• Protect your time 鈥� whether that鈥檚 a time block to tackle a work project without interruption or keeping an agreement you鈥檝e made with yourself.
• Limit time with people whose energy feels exhausting to you.
• Ask for help or delegate.
• Don鈥檛 answer emails after hours or on weekends.
• Renegotiate priorities when your workload is at capacity.
• Stop being the dumping ground of office drama 鈥� you can choose to listen but redirect them to resolve the issue with the person with whom they are in conflict.
• Maintain objectivity by not getting too invested in others鈥� stuff.
• Don鈥檛 share someone else鈥檚 struggles; it鈥檚 their story to tell.

What boundary are you ready to set? Maintaining boundaries requires self-awareness and consistency, and being grounded in why it matters to you. And it can be an incredibly freeing experience!

Karen Natzel is a business therapist who helps leaders create healthy, vibrant and high-performing organizations. Contact her at 503-806-4361 or [email protected].

The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed in the preceding commentary are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the Daily Journal of Commerce or its editors. Neither the author nor the 91视频 guarantees the accuracy or completeness of any information published herein.